A Blessing in Disguise

“Sometimes it takes a wrong turn to get you to a right place.” – Mandy Hale

It’s no secret that I’ve grown up a runner.. Running was my first love and it has saved me on more than one occasion. However, running has also caused some of the lowest lows. I had two stress fractures in college and one right after college (all tibia). I struggle with body image and still continue to, it’s a work in progress – I’m in a much better place now and I’m proud of that.

Which leads me to where I am now… recovering from my 4th stress fracture, a metatarsal stress fracture. My last run was on 7/7 – I was in week one of my build to IM Chattanooga on my first long run where I could just feel something off in my foot. Immediately after the run, I couldn’t walk without pain and limping. I figured no big deal, take a couple days off and it’ll die down. Except it didn’t. I stopped running, continued to aqua jog, ride my bike and swim. Everything was manageable for the most part. Nothing was feeling worse.

I *think* the cause is a rolled ankle from silly Hollie getting spooked. Well, it was getting better until silly Hollie got spooked again in Lake Placid while we were cheering for Z in his Ironman. That time my foot took my full body weight as I rolled my opposite ankle. The pain was intense, like the kick to the stomach kind of pain, which I knew it really, really wasn’t good.

Fortunately, my insurance kicked in on 8/1, and thanks to my athlete Liz and everyone at CMC Sports Med, I had an appt on 8/1. We took X-rays, now knowing from the past and my background in exercises science I know how uncommon it is to see a stress fracture on a X-ray. However, I had been dealing with this for 3 weeks so I was actually hoping it was on there as it could indicate starting the healing process. Don’t you know, crystal clear on the Xray you could see a 3rd metatarsal stress fracture. I left CMC in a boot.

There have been an a lot of emotions. I was coming off possibly the best race of my life, I was super excited about the season, looking forward to getting back to an Ironman, ready to take on the challenges of my mission plan and pushing the threshold of my mental and physical limits. I had many, many lows. Some lows I haven’t had in a while. I tried to stay positive but knew the timing wasn’t ideal for a half let alone a full 2 weeks after the half.

Additionally, the DR wanted me to get a Dexa Scan. I knew that would happen as when I had my 3rd stress fracture, the DR said it might be worth it then. My third was in 2012 when I was 24 and how I got into triathlon. I figured it would be fine, I am stronger than I was then, I lift more regularly and I take care of my body a lot better than I did when I was in my college days and 20s.

Except it’s not. I have osteopenia, specifically in my spine and my left femur.

I won’t lie. I was fighting back the tears and continue to fight back the tears. It might not be a big deal to some, but it is to me.

Why? I know why. I understand it, I have tried to help female collegiate athletes who’ve struggled the way I did. I tried to help them that it’s not worth it now and that your health down the road is more important. I tried to remind them they’re never alone.

Why – because I know what it’s like. I understand fully the drive to go to the extremes to try to feel more comfortable in your skin, in your college uniform, to gain the competitive edge, to never feel good enough.

I was that runner in College. Not all the time – in fact, it was probably something I didn’t think about until I was a Junior. Some was for control. I had a great sophomore year where I qualified for nationals. At the end of the year, my coach (who was leaving) sat me down and told me that he hoped I had enjoyed being the top runner as I would not be our top runner the next year. I was not oblivious to the success of my teammates but it was the year where eating issues were really occurring on the team. I wanted to do nothing but prove him wrong. I’m sure in his mind, he was trying to motivate me, as a 19 year old girl, that was not how I took it. There were a quite a few instances like that between both my coaches that really left an impact on me.

I didn’t have my period the majority of my collegiate career. Why is this an issue? It’s critical time for females to build bone mass. I won’t bore you with the details… formerly the female athlete triad ———— now RED-S – Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport syndrome. Other words, not eating the appropriate amount for the energy you expend. As previously mentioned, I didn’t think about food for most of my college career, however I never knew how much to eat either and looking back, I absolutely was not eating enough for what I was doing. On the flip side, there were times I was restricting or constantly obsessed with food in an unhealthy way. Regardless, my coaches were probably aware when I totally failed a workout and was told to eat ice cream and have a beer, or the fact I was constantly injured. Like that time senior year when I was hurt in XC, indoor and then also in outdoor.

With this diagnosis, I’m sad, frustrated and angry. I wish I knew more in College, I wish I asked for help. I was relying on those who were supposed to help me. Not foster the demons that running helped create with my relationship with myself, food and others. I’m frustrated that programs (hopefully this has changed) do not educate more on why, that it can happen to anyone, that it’s vital to live a long and healthy life. I’m frustrated that for the last 7 years I’ve chosen to be a strong female over skinny, I fuel my body rather than restrict, and that I weigh more than I ever have in my life, and yet I sit here thinking of how to be stronger.

So that’s some of the background – my stupid, uneducated, short term actions have directly impacted my potential long term, life goals. But – you better believe, I’m stronger, smarter, and ready to build more bone.

If you’ve made it this far, congrats! As for the rest of the season… I’m back to swimming and biking pain free and feeling good. Running hopefully resumes this week now that I’m out of the boot. As for the race calendar – ending the season with 70.3 Worlds in Nice. I’m going to swim hard, bike hard, and do what I can on the run. Above all, I’m going to embrace the experience and have all the fun I can. After all, I qualified for worlds! 🙂